For Better or Worse, We’re Still Here

For what it’s worth, I’ve been writing blog posts in my head for the last week.  It’s just the getting it down in a post online that hasn’t happened.  In light of those several posts floating around in my head, here’s one that tries to hit all the highlights – and the lowlights.

So the highs since coming home:

– Seeing LC be such a caring big sister.  Sure she may be overenthusiastic sometimes.  She may squeeze a little too tight or not understand that Lucy can’t hold a block or a stuffed animal, but she loves her little sister.  She loves holding her and patting her back.  It is amazing to see what a caring little being she is.

– Time at home as a family.  Even though Lucy wasn’t there for all of it, we had a nice two week holiday break as a family and it was really really nice.  Especially since A and I decided that we could eat fast food for lunch almost everyday.

– Lucy is a pretty easy baby.  I know, I shouldn’t be saying anything.  I’m sure this will curse me tonight.  But so far?  Not too bad.

– We had one set of grandparents here over the holidays and are expecting another set tomorrow.  I’m glad that both sets of grandparents were/are able to come out and meet Lucy and spend time with LC.  (No offense to Lucy, but LC is a lot more fun right now.)

And the lows:

– A went back to work after only the two holiday weeks off.  Since Lucy was late, she was only ten days old when he returned to work.  Oh and work is a week long business trip.  I’m bitter that so many of my friends are able to have their husbands home for extended periods of time after the birth of a baby.  I’m lonely and balancing two kids on my own today and tomorrow.  It’s all very silly – I also have a friend whose husband was deployed when their fourth child was born, so clearly I have little to complain about.  But still, I miss A.  I wish he could have stayed home with us longer to enjoy our new family.

– Postpartum.  I’m getting better.  It no longer takes 10 minutes to go through my whole bathroom routine.  I’m down to one prescription ibuprofen a day.  I can get in and out of the car without groaning in pain.  But up until this weekend, I felt pretty lousy and I was just ready to feel like myself.  Clearly birthing a 9lb baby takes a toll on one’s body, but I just wish I had bounced back a little faster. And I have stretch marks.  Blergh.

– Coffee.  I have yet to finish a cup of coffee.  I even got a latte today, didn’t finish it and put it in the fridge in the hopes I can revive it tomorrow morning.

– Diapers.  We’re trying to find the right size/combination of prefolds/covers for Lucy to be cloth diapered.  So we’ve been using disposables until the new cloth arrives.  And wow, do newborns go through a kabillion diapers a day.  I swear we just bought a giant thing of diapers and tonight I noticed there were only 3 downstairs to make it through the night.  This may make it seem like cloth wouldn’t be the best option  but so much easier really.  Oh and cheaper.  And when I realize I have 3 left, I just do laundry, instead of trying to decide if I need to pack two kids (who are already sleeping) into the car and make a run to Safeway.

– Mommy guilt.  Bringing a new baby home when you already have one at home creates many different feelings than just bringing home your first baby.  In the hospital I couldn’t wait to get home and see LC, I missed her so much.  I’ve cried so much as I watch LC struggle to figure out her new place in the family and seen the increased mommy anxiety she has.  We made the decision to try to keep her routine the same as much as possible, so she continues to go to day care.  I know being there is more fun than watching Momma feed her little sister every 2-3 hours, but being home while she’s off at day care really breaks my heart.  Making my two girls happy has such a different meaning for each of them right now, and LC’s happiness is much more emotionally than physically based at this point, so it is more difficult to watch her unhappiness.  I know it is all part of our family growing pains, but it is definitely been hard.

Overall, we’re doing just fine.  We’re busy, a little tired, trying to keep up with household chores and get some sleep, but we’re getting by.  Eleven days down – ten since we came home – and everyone is still alive.  I’ve only threatened to sell the pets 8 or so times.  I’ve cried more than a few times, especially when leaving LC at day care and I miss A more than I really should since he is only gone until Friday.  But we’ll make it through barking dogs, hormonal crying jags and yet another CES just fine and I look forward to the highlights in the weeks to come.

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